A Beautiful Mess
by AlunaGray
Summary: Where, after Sasuke defected, Sakura decided to change and be stronger because damn it all, she's a kunoichi. She deserved better and if Sasuke couldn't see that, then it's his loss. AU. SasuSaku.
1. i

**Summary:** Where, after Sasuke defected, Sakura decided to change and be stronger because damn it all, she's a kunoichi. She deserved better and if Sasuke couldn't see that, then it's his loss. AU. SasuSaku.

 **Disclaimer:** Naruto is not mine.

* * *

I.

* * *

 _You've got the best of both worlds_  
 _You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,_  
 _And lift him back up again_  
 _You are strong but you're needy,_  
 _Humble but you're greedy._

\- Jason Mraz, A Beautiful Mess

* * *

Haruno Sakura bowed deeply in front of Senju Tsunade, the greatest medic-nin in the whole Elemental Nations and current Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, uncaring of the whispers and judging stares from the people around them.

"Please train me, Tsunade-sama." Sakura pleaded fervently for the tenth time. "I needed to be better. _Please_."

"I already have an apprentice, girl." The blond kunoichi replied, gruff but not unkind. "It would be better if you apprentice yourself with other medic-nins. I told you I can't-"

" _Please_." She repeated, her voice a bit rough. Sakura determinedly ignored the lump on her throat. "I'll do anything Tsunade-sama. I- I don't want to get left behind again. I-"

"I already said I can't." Tsunade interrupted sharply, walking away without a second glance. "Excuse me, but I have other things that needed my attention." The kage shook her head in what seemed to be irritation. "Kami, I have no time for this."

Sakura fought the urge to cry and balled her hands into a fists. She- she couldn't give up now.

She'll do better next time.

* * *

"Why do you want to apprentice yourself to shishou so much, Sakura-san?" Kato Shizune, Tsunade's apprentice, asked exasperatedly. "It's been months already. There are other medic-nins who would be happy to have you-"

"It's not enough." Sakura muttered, her green eyes flashing stubbornly. Camped outside the Hokage's office in the hopes of getting an audience from Tsunade-sama, she knew she looked pathetic. She started out last week and eventually got used to the looks of pity shot her way. If Sakura had to plea in dogeza for a month, she would do it - pride be damned.

"Kakashi can train you-"

"He can't."

"Why not?"

"Sensei's broken." Sakura smiled bitterly, remembering the way Kakashi-sensei looked almost fragile when she saw him once. "I couldn't do that to him."

Shizune sighed. "Even if shishou's going to accept you as her apprentice, you wouldn't learn as much since-"

"It's okay." Sakura focused her gaze forward. Her legs were going numb. "I'm used to being ignored. I can get by as long as I have only a portion of her attention."

There was silence for a moment before Shizune continued softly. "Why are you doing this?"

Sakura shot the older woman a wry look. "It's for myself. I have always been a burden - to Naruto, to Kakashi-sensei, to Sasu-" She faltered. "I don't have anything going on for me and even though I tried so hard to catch up, I- I'm still weak. A liability. I couldn't let this continue to the point that I would eventually get someone killed for my mistakes and flaws."

She brushed off a wayward tear that traitorously fell down her cheeks and just nodded when Shizune left after patting her shoulder gently.

* * *

"Forehead." Yamanaka Ino, her best-friend, asked, voice uncharacteristically soft. "How long had it been since you slept?"

"I don't know." Sakura replied absentmindedly, trying to scrounge up the will to finish reading one of the books assigned to her by Tsunade-shishou. "It can wait. I'm almost finished anyway."

The blue-eyed girl sighed. "It's important to get some rest, Sakura." Ino gestured towards Sakura's face. "You look like shit."

Sakura smiled at Ino fondly. "I know. It's okay. Don't worry."

"You don't have to punish yourself, you know." Ino brushed a wayward curl to Sakura's ear. "It's not your fault."

"I- I'm not."

Ino scoffed. "Could have fooled me. You're training with Gai-sensei. _Gai-sensei_ , I tell you, while doing this thing with Tsunade-sama. It's insane."

"I needed to do-"

"To do what, Sakura?" Ino argued. "You're getting stronger. It's enough. It should be enough. You don't have-"

Sakura closed her eyes. "I have to. I have to do it because damn it, I made Naruto promise something he shouldn't be forced to and he almost died. My team's in shambles and I'm weak. Still so weak-"

"Sakura." Ino said seriously, her hands on Sakura's shoulders. "Sakura- stop. Listen to me, okay. You're strong. You're doing your best. It's okay to get some rest sometimes and please, don't blame your-"

"I-" Her voice cracked. "I don't want to get left behind, Ino."

Ino softened. "You're not-"

"I am." Sakura laughed, the hollow sound ringing around the room acerbically. "You don't have to lie. I- I was so naive." She took a deep breath. "I tried my best at the academy too, you know. I thought that if I read enough, did my best in academics enough, I could offset my weaknesses and surpass even those with clans but-"

"You did-"

"I didn't." Sakura interrupted sharply, tears falling despite her valiant efforts to do otherwise. "I didn't because I was delusional and I'm not- I'm not enough."

Ino was silent, rubbing Sakura's back in comfort. "You're wrong, Sakura." The Yamanaka sighed. "When did you get this stubborn? Come on. Get some sleep. You're shopping with me tomorrow whether you like or not."

* * *

Sakura blocked the kick from Maito Gai - a well-known jounin taijutsu master, consciously reinforcing her muscles with chakra. She smoothly countered with a punch and ducked the sweeping kick that followed after.

"Better." Gai boomed out enthusiastically as he flew a few steps backward from the hit. "You're getting better, Sakura. The springtime of youth was definitely in you today."

Sakura smiled brightly. "Thank you, Gai-sensei." She made the seal of reconciliation. "I really appreciate the spar."

"Yosh!" Rock Lee, Gai's student who also specializes in taijutsu, announced from behind. He was watching the fight from the start and was suitably impressed by Sakura's progress. "Let's spar together too, Sakura-chan."

"Sure, Lee." She beamed. "I-"

"Yo." A familiar voice interrupted drolly, holding Sakura by the collar like a mischievous cat. "Can I borrow my student for a moment Gai?"

Gai's gaze sharpened before he smiled at Hatake Kakashi, her sensei, in understanding. "Of course." He boomed out. "Lee, spar with me instead."

Sakura let herself be hefted towards the training grounds, curious about what the older man wanted with her.

"Sensei." She warned after a few minutes of silence. Kakashi had his Icha-Icha in front of his face again, and as much as she valiantly tried to keep her cool, her patience was shot. "If you're just going to flash that disgusting book in front of me, I'm going to tear it to shreds."

Glancing at her slowly, Kakashi eye-smiled in amusement. "So mean, Sakura-chan. What happened to my cute little genin?"

"I grew up." Sakura snarked. "You should do that too, sensei."

Her teacher shook his head in mock-regret. "How time passed by. You should learn how to relax from time to time to Sakura-chan."

"Pot calling the kettle black, sensei." She huffed. "Did Ino put you up to this?"

Kakashi hummed. "I don't what you're talking about."

"I'm a medic. I know how to take care of myself."

He looked at her doubtfully, raising his one visible brow in a surprisingly expressive manner.

Sakura ignored the sarcasm and continued. "Can you help me with my nature transformation then, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Hm." Kakashi closed his book with a snap. Sakura was about to deflate when he looked at her fondly. "I suppose I can for my favorite student."

"Cha, sensei. Don't lie."

"I'm not." Kakashi insisted lazily.

Sakura rolled her eyes and smiled wryly. "When do we start?"


	2. ii

**II.**

* * *

 _Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write_  
 _Kind of turn themselves into knives_  
 _And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction_  
 _Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear_

\- Jason Mraz, A Beautiful Mess

* * *

"Naruto." Sakura called out brightly as she saw a familiar shade of blond hair walking inside the village gates. "Welcome back." She messed up his hair, happy to see her wayward teammate again. "Want to go to Ichirakus? I'll treat you for once since I just completed a well-paid mission last week."

"Sakura-chan!" Uzumaki Naruto beamed, looking at her in surprise and delight. He grew up from the last time she saw him - exchanged his orange jumpsuit with a darker one and got taller. He looked good. Healthy, even.

Sakura was glad to see that.

Naruto checked her out from head to toe in return and seemed astonished when she didn't take offense. "You look...different."

"Of course." She replied matter-of-factly, arching her brow. "It's almost three years since we've seen each other, of course I would look different." She shook her head in mock-exasperation. "Still a baka, huh?"

"Don't look at me like that, Sakura-chan." Naruto whined. "I feel judged."

"I am judging you, Naruto-baka." Sakura rolled her eyes. "What have you been up to, hm?" She put her hands on her hips in mock-scolding. "Don't tell me the only thing you've learned from Jiraiya-sama were his perverted ways? If you were, I wouldn't hesitate on hitting you, moron."

Naruto scratched his cheek sheepishly. "Well, this and that. Ero-sennin did teach me something, dattebayo. I mean you grew your hair and your clothing kind of look like thick eyebrows and his freaky-sensei at first glance that I was shocked for a moment." He laughed and then realized just what he'd said. He waved his hand frantically. "Not- not that you don't look _good,_ Sakura-chan. You look as pretty as always- and...and." Naruto cringed as if waiting for a blow.

Sakura deflated at the sight and took a deep breath. "Don't say that Naruto." She chided gently. "Lee's really sweet and Gai-sensei's quite helpful in my training." She smiled. "They're good guys, baka. They're just more preoccupied in giving their all and excelling in their chosen track so they focus more on efficiency and convenience when it comes to their appearance."

Sakura huffed at the lost look on Naruto's face and continued. "You know, I'll just take that as a compliment and go on from there. I've grown stronger too, you know." She flexed her left arm cheerfully. "I'm a jounin now and it's partly because of Gai's training that I became one."

Naruto beamed. "Good for you, Sakura-chan." He puffed his chest up proudly. "I'll reach that rank too, believe it. I'm going to be Hokage, after all."

"Yeah, I'm sure you will." Sakura said softly. She smiled at him sadly. "I missed you Naruto."

Naruto blushed red. "I missed you too, Sakura-chan." He scratched the back of his head in uncharacteristic embarrassment.

Sakura looked at Naruto searchingly.

Does...does he still like her that way?

"Naruto" She began. "I'm sorry."

The blond froze. "What for, Sakura-chan?"

"I-"

"Sakura-san." A high-pitched voice called out, interrupting her. A helper in the hospital whose name she couldn't quite remember looked at her frantically. "Shizune-san's looking for you. She said you're needed at hospital."

"Hai." Sakura nodded. Turning to Naruto, she smiled sheepishly. "I'll just tell you later, ne? Visit Kakashi-sensei. I'm sure he'll love to see you." She chuckled as she remembered something. "Hinata-san too."

"Eh, Sakura-chan?!" Naruto shouted as Sakura turned to run. "Hinata?"

Sakura winked teasingly. "You'll know it when you see it."

* * *

Naruto could only look on in horror at the sight of Sakura about to land a deadly blow on Sasuke's bloody, vulnerable form on the ground.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, interrupting the pink-haired girl's focus. Sakura's chakra-enhanced fist were dodged barely by Sasuke as he rolled sluggishly to the side. The ground cracked and shrapnel flew mercilessly. "What are you doing? He's our teammate!"

"He's a missing-nin, Naruto." Sakura said sharply, her voice unnervingly cold. She moved to cut down Sasuke with her chakra scalpels and stopped when Naruto ran and held her hand to restrain.

"Don't abandon Sasuke, Sakura." Naruto pleaded, his voice soft. "I know you don't like him anymore. I know you don't care about my promise anymore but he's- he's _family,_ dattebayo. Our teammate. Doesn't that matter anymore?"

Sakura faltered before spitting out angrily. "He's the one who abandoned us first, moron. He almost killed you, damn it."

Naruto held Sakura's arm tightly. Not letting himself let go despite of her teammate's almost monstrous strength. He kept an eye on Sasuke because despite his teammates' injuries and apparent shock at being apprehended by Sakura of all people, Naruto's not stupid enough to trust Sasuke his back. "I know you asked me to stop. To stop looking for Sasuke. To stop bringing him back. To forget the promise I made you but he's...he's _Sasuke_ , dattebayo." He looked at his female teammates eyes desperately. "Those who abandon their friends are more than trash remember. I know you don't like him anymore. I _know_ that. But that doesn't mean that you should chalk up the time we spent together as nothing."

Sakura stopped and seemingly curled into herself. For a few moments, there was silence before she smiled bitterly and shook her head. "You're...ha. You're such a moron."

Before Naruto could stop her, Sakura suddenly knocked Sasuke out with a senbon on the neck - not unlike the move once used by Haku, the ice-realease user they met from their first C-rank mission in Wave before.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Do what you want with him, Naruto." Sakura turned away from him and walked towards an incapacitated Sai, Kiba and Rock Lee. Her hands glowed green as she tried to heal their injuries as best as she could. "I'm going back." She said to Kakashi-sensei, who was watching over the three on the side with a vaguely familiar red-haired girl leaning on him.

Kakashi nodded.

Naruto could only close his eyes in regret at the sight of Sakura's retreating back, wondering when everything _changed_ \- remembering the solemn smile Sakura gave him when they were at Ichirakus on his first night back on Konoha as she told him to forget about Sasuke and just...stop going after both of them. To stop pining over Sakura because she didn't deserve the admiration. To stop running for Sasuke because he...he didn't deserve the chances given to him again and again. To just...stop because Naruto didn't have to prove _anything._

To stop because he's good enough as he was.

Naruto sighed.

Although he appreciate the sentiment, Sasuke's practically family. Naruto's not abandoning anyone, if he can help it. Least of all, Sasuke who once watched his back even with his surliness and arrogance.

He wished Sakura could see that.

* * *

Sakura looked at Naruto and Sasuke impassively as she tried to heal both of them to the best of her abilities. They just finished fighting each other like the idiots that they were at the Valley of the End and although she's exhausted as fuck, they needed her attention. Damn it, they maimed each other and both lost one of their arms.

Idiots, really.

Sakura wouldn't have let it get to this point if she could, but Sasuke, the moron, managed to incapacitate her earlier when she proceeded to injure and try to knock him back down once he started going on and on about his plans for world peace. Unfortunately for her, he didn't underestimate her this time around and successfully managed to put her under a genjutsu.

Thank kami, she, with Kakashi-sensei, managed to get to them on time.

"Sakura-" Sasuke started roughly. "Never m-"

Sakura's eyes flashed in warning and, for a moment, she could see how his face started at the look she sent before going back to its default blankness. "Shut up, Sasuke. I'm tired as fuck and we just finished fighting a war. You...I can't even begin to describe how idiotic you two are." She glared at her dark-haired teammate intensely. "I'm healing you too, you piece of shit. Don't even protest and give me crap because I will-"

"Sakura-chan." Naruto said reproachfully.

Sakura looked at him, unimpressed. "Naruto-baka." She repeated in the same tone.

"Hear what Sasuke has to say." The blond coaxed gently. "It wouldn't hurt. You don't even have to say anything."

Sakura pursed her lips before nodding curtly. Glancing at Sasuke blankly, Sakura was surprised at the look of regret and shame on dark eyes. They were usually so patronizing or condescending - something that Sakura recognized even from before, when she was delusional as shit and infatuated with the duck-haired bastard.

Hm.

"I'm sorry, Sakura." Her dark-haired teammate said quietly. When she just raised her brow dubiously, he continued. "For everything."

Sakura laughed acidly - the sound echoing in the empty valley. It wasn't a very nice sound. " _Sorry_." She repeated cynically. "Do you think that's enough? You think that after everything you did. That after all the _shit_ you pulled, you'll-"

"Sakura-ch-" Naruto interrupted.

"Shut up, Naruto." She snapped angrily before continuing on sharply. "You...you're an asshole, you know. Fuck you Sasuke, you self-righteous piece of shit. You're worse than scum for all the crap you pulled and I- I" Tears fell from her eyes to her cheeks. Her pants were starting to get wet. "I _hate_ you." She said brokenly.

Sasuke opened his mouth - probably to apologize or say something dastardly when she stopped to take a hold of herself, but before he could do so, Sakura continued bitingly. "I hate you so fucking much because shit. We gave you so many _chances_. Like hell, we're pathetic. We _believe_ in you, even when you're trying to kill me, Naruto or any of our comrades. And you know _what_? You know what's so _fucking_ stupid?"

Sasuke closed his eyes as Sakura fisted his shirt in his hands. "We're willing to give you another because that's just the kind of crap we're both willing to pull for you."

Sasuke flinched, before saying dumbfoundedly. "What?"

Naruto laughed in relief before sitting up. "Sakura-chan, you scared me."

Sakura smiled at her blond teammate bitterly before letting go of Sasuke's shirt. "Don't mess this up, asshole." Her eyes glowered in warning. "I'm not kidding because, if you did. Well. I'll kill you myself."

"Language, Sakura." Kakashi-sensei called out in scolding.

She ignored him and looked at Sasuke intensely. "I'm not kidding."

"Okay." Sasuke said, a flicker of respect in his gaze. "Okay." He repeated.

Naruto laughed - breaking the tension - and beamed at the two of them warmly. "Let's get some ramen when we get back, dattebayo. I'm starving."

* * *

 **A/N** : It's canon-compliant up to this point, although there are some changes that I tried to convey subtly. I'm not sure if I succeeded though or if you even caught them all, but if you didn't. Meh. I tried.


	3. iii

**III.**

* * *

 _Although you were biased I love your advice_

 _Your comebacks they're quick_

 _And probably have to do with your insecurities_

\- Jason Mraz, A Beautiful Mess

* * *

"So you're just leaving, huh?" Sakura quipped blandly as she leaned on one of the trees near the village gates.

Sasuke stopped in his tracks.

He turned to her, face blank and unreadable. "Sakura." The dark haired teen acknowledged politely.

She eyed him, surveying him for the first time since he defected from Konoha. Sakura was too busy defending herself from his attacks or, in the case of the war, from other people's attacks whenever they met so she never did find the time or the inclination to look at him straight in the eye or check him out.

She was rather preoccupied with more important things.

(Like avoiding death by his hand for one. Or healing her comrades' injuries for another.)

He was...thinner. Looked harder. Colder. Yet with that same aching grief and determination in his coal black eyes that Sakura sometimes glimpsed whenever she cared enough to stop shallowly appreciating his looks and truly look at who he was. He was wearier though. More troubled if that was even possible.

"Sasuke." She echoed in the same tone before laughing humorlessly. "You're just going to leave after-" Sakura waved her hand. "all that you've done."

Sasuke looked at her searchingly. He sighed before quirking his lips slightly as he surveyed her from top to bottom. "You've changed, Sakura."

"You say that as if it was a bad thing," Sakura said dryly. Sasuke opened his mouth to reply, but she continued. "At least I didn't look like a male stripper, you piece of turd." The pink-haired girl's lips curled into a slight sneer. "Who's idea was it to dress you in a fucking robe anyway? That shit's unpractical-"

Sasuke raised his brow. "Language, Haruno." He interrupted, faintly amused. "I'm not judging your...recent penchant for spandex." He smirked. "Don't bite my head off."

Sakura barked out a laugh. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You caught me, Uchiha." She grinned widely. "Did Naruto knew of this?"

Sasuke nodded.

Sakura hummed consideringly. "Just like that?" She shook her head in wonder. "He didn't protest? I thought he would badger you more considering he spent years to get you back."

"He knows I needed the space," Sasuke replied looking away from her for a moment. "People needed the time to heal and forget. There were still some loose ends from the Great Ninja War. I'll be more useful," He grimaced before going back to his usual deadpan. "outside the village."

Sakura looked at the sky as silence ensued.

...She wondered why she was even doing this. It wasn't like the man would listen to her anyway. Looking at Sasuke's relaxed form, his mind was probably made up.

"It's just been a week, Sasuke. Why don't you stay for a bit?" Sakura asked quietly, unable to stop the words from leaving her lips. She sighed as the guy looked at her warily.

She hoped Sasuke wouldn't get the wrong idea.

His shoulders stiffened a bit. "Sakura-"

Sakura laughed. "Not for me or Naruto or Kakashi-sensei." She smiled genuinely. "Kami knows you wouldn't but-" She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.

"You should stop running away." She side-eyed him before turning back to walk to the hospital. "Make amends. Do good shit. Build some bonds." Sakura huffed. "People would appreciate you more that way and-"

Sakura paused before remarking matter-of-factly. "You owe them, Sasuke. The crap that you pulled clogged up the toilet and you need to flush it down with goodwill and rainbows. Kakashi-sensei and Naruto wiped your ass as best as they could but you should have at least the decency to finish their work."

"That doesn't make sense." He called out to her back, unimpressed.

"Well, excuse me for not being Naruto you critical piece of ass." She replied irritatedly, flipping him the bird before vanishing in a shunshin.

Sakura didn't really know why she did what she did but she had a feeling it would be good in the long run.

Just because she got over Sasuke didn't mean Sakura didn't care for him.

After all, he's still one of her boys, whether he liked it or not.

Even if he was a dumb duck-butt _bastard_.

* * *

Sasuke was just sitting as Naruto's friends laughed and talked with themselves when he heard someone sit beside him.

Sakura smiled knowingly.

"Don't look so smug." Sasuke grimaced, disgusted.

"I'm not." Sakura insisted.

Sasuke looked at her in faint disbelief.

The pink-haired girl glanced at him dryly. "Believe it or not, I understand how persistent Naruto was. I told you earlier, didn't I? He wouldn't let you go that easily. For all I know, he manipulated you here himself." She shook her head wryly. "Kakashi-sensei was a bad influence on him."

Sasuke hummed before focusing on his drink.

He could see Sakura shrug by the corner of his eyes.

"Whatever, Sasuke." She shook her head, turning away from him and focusing on her food. "Believe what you want. It's not like I care anyway." She muttered petulantly.

Sasuke quirked his lips slightly. Sakura...This _Sakura_ was a pleasant surprise. He knew she changed - three years was a long time and the brief encounter they've had when she immobilized him was telling. Sakura had grown stronger, a Jounin as Naruto had boasted once when they were catching up, and well- the banter they had now was nice. His female teammate spent way too much time fawning on him and twisting her personality to pretzels back during their days as genin in a failed attempt to be more attractive that Sasuke didn't really know her as much as he did Naruto.

His dark eyes surveyed Sakura's form curiously. She looked much better now actually. Holding herself with actual confidence, unlike the farce she had put on before when they were kids. She let her hair grow down to her shoulders and held it up in a sensible tie.

Sasuke concluded the muscles in her admittedly attractive body most likely contribute to this sureness the kunoichi had. Naruto wasn't exaggerating when he told her Sakura trained with Kakashi, Gai, and Tsunade. By the looks of her toned physique, they sure did work her hard.

"Is there something on my face?" Sakura murmured bemusedly, interrupting his investigation.

Sasuke coughed slightly. He turned his head and watched Naruto challenge Lee in arm-wrestling. "I was just wondering if you had a hand with Naruto's invitation."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "I didn't plead your case to Naruto, you dick. In fact, I don't even need to." She took a sip of her drink. "That knucklehead's stubborn, you know. If he wasn't smitten with Hinata, I'd say the guy's in love with you."

"Hyuuga?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura wiggled her eyebrows. "Jealous?"

Sasuke glanced at her blankly. "Right."

"I mean, the number of times you kissed was pretty suspicious." Sakura continued, amused. "He was your first kiss even, and if I managed to get the story out of him during that one mission where you got stuck together was any indication, you're _closer_ ," She emphasized. "than both of you let on."

"I'm straight, Sakura," Sasuke replied flatly.

Sakura snorted before turning away from him. "Keep telling yourself that, Sasuke."

Sasuke glowered at her. "I'm not."

The pink-haired girl just laughed gaily. "You're in denial, Sasu-chan."

Sasuke flinched. "Don't call me that." He said sharply.

Sakura stopped, then looked at him soberly. "Okay." She finally said, standing up. "Figures you would ruin my ship too, you bastard." He heard her mutter before moving to the Nara clan head.

Sasuke's burned a gaze into his former teammate's back for the rest of the night.

Sakura didn't look back.


End file.
